Cape Shark and Milkshakes

As most of you know, I am jacked out of my mind. If you don’t know this yet, check me out at Zeta Late-Night wearing cut-offs and cargo pants. But with large muscles come large responsibility. Unlike most people who only have to fear fear itself, I have to worry that my biceps will turn into flesh-consuming black holes capable of turning my body into a sinewy ball of distilled strength.

Can someone photoshop my face onto this large man?


To avoid this, I make sure I consume plenty of protein. Most of this comes in the form of cape shark, a dining hall delicacy that is sometimes fried (Hanoi-style), sometimes miso-glazed, and sometimes just served in its unadulterated fishy form.

But like the fragile marine ecosystem, my stomach can only handle so much of the overly-abundant predatory species. I needed a new protein source. When I saw Organic Valley® Organic Fuel® High Protein Milk Shake VANILLA in my favorite health-food store (Durfee’s), I had no choice but to purchase it.

Buy a four-pack if you’re trying to OD on protein

At first, the signs were good. The drink was “Powered by Organic Milk” and “Never GMOs”. Overlooking the lack of parallelism, these qualities seemed promising. My body, one of the Seven Wonders of the World, was ready to be lit up by milk-based proteins pizzazz.

The drink was pretty much as described. It tasted like a milkshake. While most protein drinks have a weird chalky taste, this one did not. The chalkiness may have been masked by the 26 grams of “organic unrefined cane sugar,” but the 1:1 grams of sugar to protein ratio didn’t really bother me. For some reason, the drink seemed especially good at giving me brainfreeze, but it is also possible that I don’t drink enough milkshakes to have developed a good sipping strategy.

I am required by law to display the nutrition information in this blog post.

My problem with milkshakes in general is that by the time I’m about halfway done, I just want the milkshake to disappear and to be replaced with something less viscous. It was the same for this.

I have to say, though, this was pretty good. I drank it a few weeks ago and I still remember the slightly grainy, but still delicious taste. Though this does not leapfrog grape juice on my list of favorite drinks, it definitely rises above Yoo-hoo.

Organic Valley® Organic Fuel® High Protein Milk Shake VANILLA: 7.8/10


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