I love Chipotle

I have never once ordered guac because it is                                         extra.

Last summer, when my boss said that Chipotle was gross, I immediately knew that I was not working at the right company. This summer, my boss has not yet expressed to me his opinions on Chipotle, which is a much better situation. It’s been nine days.

When Chipotle had that big E. coli outbreak in 2015, it did not make me think twice about eating Chipotle. In fact, it just made me less concerned. After making everyone on Boston College’s football team sick, they’d probably be more careful about giving me E. coli.

It looks like a loaf of bread.

Besides, Chipotle seems so clean. Everything is shiny and metallic. All the meats, beans, sauces, and cheese are all in cute little containers on a big, clean-looking surface. There are no open salsa vats (like Moe’s) and no weird heating lamps (like Burger King rest stops).

Personally, I order a chicken burrito with brown rice, black beans, sour cream, cheese, and lettuce. I usually ask for the “hottest salsa” because I don’t know what the hottest salsa is called but also because I am an alpha-male. I know that I am supposed to get the burrito bowl because I would get more of the filling and less of the burrito but I like the burrito, so stop harassing me.

The only thing I don’t like about Chipotle is when the person in front of you asks for double steak, no beans, and extra sour cream. That’s not how it works. You take however much sour cream the Chipotle server scoops for you. You must order beans.

Everything else, I like. The burrito that is shaped like a giant pretzel gem, the brown bags with extensive blurbs about water, sustainability, or salsa, and the three, exclusively Tabasco hot sauces. It is all great.

I hope writing these is someone’s full-time job.

Since I do not know how to properly eat a burrito, my strategy is to unwrap the top, then bring my face towards the table. The burrito sits on one of its ends, like an erect corn cob. The more I eat, the closer my face gets to the table. I alternate between red and green Tabasco sauces between bites, ending up with just a burrito folded burrito nub, which I eat.

No, Chipotle is not authentic Mexican food, but they also don’t pretend like they serve authentic Mexican food. Between visits to Chipotle, I sometimes wonder if I actually enjoy the food at Chipotle, since so many people seem so strongly opposed. The answer: yes. It is so good.

 

Chipotle: 8.7/10

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