Over break, I’ve read so much about basketball that I’ve become unable to think about anything except the 1976 ABA-NBA Merger. Just kidding. Still thinking about food. On Friday, my friends and I made an hour and a half round trip to get dim sum. I quit dabbing several months ago, but it was dab-worthy.
Before break, my friend, Qi Xu, who has the shortest full name at Yale, got me two boxes of Pocky from Durfee’s. I promised I’d review them, and I will NOT let her down!!
I am no expert on Asian snacks, but one thing I can say with authority is that Pocky is not terrifying, which is not always the case. Perhaps the worst food I’ve ever eaten was a hard durian candy that Duckvan, a bizarre foods startup, sent to my P.O. box two years ago. They also sent ghost pepper popcorn, which my mom accidentally ate, and some other awful snacks. This is not an advertisement for Duckvan. I don’t know why anyone would pay to be sent several horrible foods.
By eating durian, I learned the true meaning of the word pungent. It was a scarring experience that I would consider repeating for, like, 25 dollars.
Pocky is harmless. Try saying “Pocky” in a menacing way. Pocky Pocky Pocky. It’s impossible. Each Pocky stick looks like those mini breadsticks from the cheese dip/stick combos my mom bought about once every three years, only elongated. Both snacks make you wonder what you are eating, while you are eating them. For the combos: Is this cheese dip actually cheese? For Pocky: What is a biscuit stick? Neither food is capable of going bad. In fact, I just ate some Pocky out of a box that had been opened a few weeks ago. They were still fresh as one of Cam Newton’s post-victory hats. Touchdown!
You could eat 5,000 calories of Pocky and still be hungry. You’d feel nauseous, but not full. After Qi handed me the two packets of Pocky–one chocolate and one matcha flavored–I spent the next seven hours writing a final essay and eating Pocky. Pocky’s motto is “Share happiness!” but I did not feel happy. Not only was I not moving, but I was ingesting a full meal’s worth of calories in glazed biscuit sticks. It wasn’t rock bottom (that was my computer deleting a 3,000 word paper) but it was close.
Really, Pocky had almost nothing to do with me having a bad time while eating Pocky. Pocky’s pretty good. Not that good, and probably not worth eating as opposed to just not eating anything, but good. There’s some chocolate (or matcha), so you can’t really complain that much.
Pocky (chocolate): 6.1
Pocky (matcha): 6.2 (“You better like the matcha more.” – Qi Xu)