Honey Bunches of Oats has a lot in common with LeBron James. Their performances have been supreme for so long that people overlook them even while they’re averaging 28.9 points,…
I skewer a hot dog with a fork and raise it out of the boiling water. But I can’t leave this hot dog intact. We do not have the proper…
Every morning, I get up, boil some water, and pour in two servings of rolled oats. While the oats cook, I cut up a banana and a few strawberries, and…
I didn’t know Mumford & Sons was the worst band of all time until Pitchfork told me that Mumford & Sons was the worst band of all time. Out of…
On Thursday, I moved from a house right near the Sacramento Zoo to a backyard garage-turned-loft. Before, I was living with a 60-year-old woman and her two cats.…
Last summer, when my boss said that Chipotle was gross, I immediately knew that I was not working at the right company. This summer, my boss has not yet expressed…
As most of you know, I am jacked out of my mind. If you don’t know this yet, check me out at Zeta Late-Night wearing cut-offs and cargo pants. But…
I didn’t grow up watching Disney TV shows or eating Pop Tarts, two of the most patriotic activities I can think of. I did go through a toaster strudel phase…
The avocado is nearly perfect—tasty, filling, and wholesome. Aside from removing the pit, nothing can be done to improve it. Sadly, we live in a world that shuns quiet excellence.…
It’s Black Friday or as I like to call it, ALL LIVES Friday. Yesterday was great. I ate food, spent time with my family, and watched large, athletic men develop…