Subway is a strange place. It advertises itself as a healthy substitute for fast food, yet its most popular item is a foot-long sandwich. That said, there is still a special place in my heart for Subway. From the moment I enter one of Subway’s 44,672 sandwich distribution centers, I am overtaken by the delicious smell of freshly made bread. Yes, that bread is really just made from some industrial paste that Subway ships to all its franchises, but it still smells good. Plus, unlike those at Chipotle, Subway employees do not yell at you in an effort to get you your food as quickly as possible. They let me take my sweet time when deciding whether I want Italian or hearty Italian bread.
The only thing I’ve ever ordered from Subway is the cold cut combo. That sounds healthy enough, right? It is just a combination of cold-cuts. However, I’ve never actually figured out which meats I’m actually eating; I just eat whatever sliced meats the employee peels off the damp paper. If that doesn’t sound appetizing, you’re right, but do you know what does sound appetizing? A sandwich the size of my forearm.
The best thing about Subway is you can play god and put whatever combination of vegetables, condiments and cheeses you want. I know Jesus wouldn’t want me to put mayonnaise, light mayonnaise, and spicy mayonnaise on the same sandwich, but that’s why I do it. When I was eleven, I went to Subway with my neighbor and he ordered a sandwich with just American cheese. The possibilities are endless!
I realize the customizable nature of a Subway sandwich is no longer special considering Chipotle does it as well as about 37 other Chipotle knockoffs, but I still enjoy calling the shots and demanding that my sandwich contain not only tomatoes and lettuce, but jalapenos, peppers, banana peppers, and onions. What an exhilarating experience.
The Sandwich artists at Subway have never let me down except for that one time when I ordered a sandwich and they told me they ran out of bread. My Cold Cut Combo, comprised of three different turkey-based meat products, never disappoints.
Subway: 8.1/10 (+1.2 added for Subway-related nostalgia)
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Literally laughing out loud! Burst out laughing in hysterics while my family tried to sleep! Colbert needs this guy!